America Tells Europe. Give us the Eurovision and we’ll give you dollars.

Eurovision song contest

President Obama has handed an olive branch to the Eurozone members and pledged. If America were allowed to perform in the next Eurovision Song Contest, the United States would provide members of the Eurozone with as much financial support as they needed.

Speaking at the Whitehouse, Mr Obama said that the US would support Europe with “however many dollars it needed to get them out of the hole that they are in, providing that we are allowed to join this contest.”

It has long been known that America would like to be part of the Eurovision Song Contest, but the competition is only open to members of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). It is rumoured that when George Bush was president, he threatened to invade all participating countries, until they agreed to allow America take part. And Dick Cheney wanted to impose sanctions, but Congress would not pass it.

The idea first came from influential and charismatic first lady, Betty Ford, who was known for her candid views on all subjects, and was often found doing the Bump dance along the corridors of the White House.

Eurozone leaders have agreed to consider the offer, but are concerned that this is just another sign that America is trying to take over the world with it’s money, power and influence. However they are not worried about America winning the competition, because like the United Kingdom, nobody would vote for them anyway.

Bruce Springsteen said, “I have been approached by the Whitehouse several times, and each time they say next year, but so far nothing has come of it, but I think with the state them Europeans are in at the moment, it’s looking damn good for me”

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