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America mistakes International space station for ISIS

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America mistakes International space station for ISIS

American troops accidentally destroy the International Space Station believing it to be ISIS. Unconfirmed reports coming from Washington have described how America launched a rocket into space armed with missiles and have destroyed the International Space Station. A spokesperson from the Whitehouse said “ We did a search on our database for anything with the words IS, ISIS or ISIL and unfortunately it came up with ISS which is short for International Space Station, and that search automatically launched an attack on the space...

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Diary of a dole bum – January 24th

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Diary of a dole bum – January 24th

Monday 24th January Woke up first of all at 9 o’clock, had a fag then went back to sleep, then I woke up at 1 o’clock just in time for neighbours. Went downstairs the fire was out, my stepfather had left a note for me on the mantelpiece…. Carl, Light the fire and clean up the mess from the bin on the road, people are complaining it’s too full. P.S. Some people dream with their eyes open, most people live with their eyes closed.  Dai. I read the note I got the bit about the fire and the bin but didn’t get the bit about the eyes...

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Me versus the moth

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Me versus the moth

I was sitting quietly thinking to myself as I often do, I enjoy my own company more than the company of other people I think it’s because I have so much in common with me. Anyway there was a moth flying around the light bulb banging against it and flapping it’s mothy wings, and as you may or may not know moths are telepathic they can read peoples thoughts, though they can’t read other moths thoughts just human thoughts, that is why they fly around lights because when we think we emit beams of thoughts that are invisible like microwaves...

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We buy any car

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We buy any car

    It was June 1990 me and Rob (I will say me & Rob rather than Rob and I, because Rob and I sounds to posh) were doing disco’s we had a set of technics SL1210’s some really loud speakers and a few lights, that’s all we needed but there was one problem we didn’t have a car, so we used to ask friends to give us lifts to whatever place that had booked us for the night and sometimes we had to cancel because we couldn’t find anybody to take us there. When I say there was one problem it was actually a few problems but they...

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Man with white van fed up of being accused of trying to steal dogs

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Man with white van fed up of being accused of trying to steal dogs

  Delivery driver Leighton Keanes has just about had enough of being accused of trying to steal dogs every time he goes out in his white van. He has been chased out of streets, had stones thrown at his van and has even been verbally abused and threatened. He blames Facebook for the rise in the attacks and people thinking that every white van they see in the street is out to steal dogs. He told reporters: “I understand people are worried about their dogs but it’s getting ridiculous, I’m just a self employed delivery driver, I don’t...

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New Zealand woman in Facebook appeal to find Welsh father

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New Zealand woman in Facebook appeal to find Welsh father

  New Zealand woman in Facebook appeal to find Welsh father Christina Price aged 27 from New Zealand is hoping that the power of social networking will help to find the father she has never met. The only information she has to go on is that her mother met him in July 1988 at the Con club in Aberdare, and he was drinking Bow & Black. Christina’s mother and grand parents emigrated to New Zealand from Tonypandy shortly after she was born. Her mother doesn’t remember the man’s name she met or remember much about the night Christina...

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Would you Adam and Eve it

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Once upon a time there were two people, one was called Adam and the other one was called Eve, Adam was a man and Eve was a woman. They lived in a place called the Garden of Eden, it was a really nice place with plants and trees and beautiful scenery, there were no high rise buildings or motorways and they didn’t even have a Mcdonalds, but despite this they were both happy.   God owned the Garden of Eden, but he was a good landlord and didn’t charge them any rent. He said they could do anything they wanted to the place as long as they...

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Alfie dog

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INTERNAL – LIVING ROOM A POLICEMAN IS TALKING TO A WOMAN. Policeman: When did you last see your dog? Woman: I let him out straight after he had his food, as I always do, it was about twenty past seven just before Coronation Street started. Policeman: And that was on the 3rd of September? Woman: Yes, 6 days ago. Policeman: And you have not seen him since? Woman: I called him and called him, but he didn’t come, usually I only have to call him once and he comes running in. Policeman: We have been receiving several reports of dogs...

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The goldfish

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BRANDON AND HIS MOTHER ARE RETURNING A GOLDFISH TO THE COCONUT SHY MAN, THE GOLDFISH IS IN A BAG DEAD. Mother: Excuse me, we won this goldfish on your stall yesterday, and within four hours of taking it home it was dead. Man: It doesn’t look like one of my goldfish love. Are you sure you had it from here? Woman: Yes I am sure, I have a picture on my phone of my son winning it outside your stall look. WOMAN SHOWS THE MAN THE PICTURE. Man: Did you follow the instructions I gave you before putting it into a tank? Woman: Yes to the letter I...

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White patio chairs

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EXTERNAL – GARDEN 2 PATIO CHAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAWN Chair 1: I hate being a chair Chair 2: So you keep saying Chair 1: Well come on, you can’t exactly say that it’s a good life can you? Chair2: We are not alive, we are chairs I keep telling you, we are just practical pieces of garden furniture. Chair 1: How come we can talk then? Chair 2: I don’t know the answer to that. I told you before and besides we can only talk to each other nobody else can hear us, so maybe we are not really talking, we just think we are. Chair 1: Exactly....

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