Protected: BullyingRead More
INTERNAL – LIVING ROOM
A POLICEMAN IS TALKING TO A WOMAN.
Policeman: When did you last see your dog?
Woman: I let him out straight after he had his food, as I always do, it was about twenty past seven just before Coronation Street started.
Policeman: And that was on the 3rd of September?
Woman: Yes, 6 days ago.
Policeman: And you have not seen him since?
Woman: I called him and called him, but he didn’t come, usually I only have to call him once and he comes running in.
Policeman: We have been receiving several reports of dogs going missing in this area it may be connected. Have you noticed any suspicious activity in your neighborhood lately?
Woman: Well, there has been a man walking past the garden lately and as soon as he saw Alfie he got excited, he said that he loves border terriers and has opened a shop in the high street. I looked out the window last week and he was giving Alfie a doggie biscuit, I didn’t think nothing of it I thought he was a nice chap.
Policeman: Ah I see, we have had our suspicions lately of a new shop that has just opened in town. The Dog-Grooming parlor.
Woman: You think he has been grooming Alfie?
Policeman: it is a possibility.
BRANDON AND HIS MOTHER ARE RETURNING A GOLDFISH TO THE COCONUT SHY MAN, THE GOLDFISH IS IN A BAG DEAD.
Mother: Excuse me, we won this goldfish on your stall yesterday, and within four hours of taking it home it was dead.
Man: It doesn’t look like one of my goldfish love. Are you sure you had it from here?
Woman: Yes I am sure, I have a picture on my phone of my son winning it outside your stall look.
WOMAN SHOWS THE MAN THE PICTURE.
Man: Did you follow the instructions I gave you before putting it into a tank?
Woman: Yes to the letter I have owned goldfish before I know what I am doing.
Man: Ok if you leave it with me I will run some toxicology reports to determine the exact cause of death.
Woman: Is that really necessary? Can’t you just give me another fish?
Man: Oh no love, we have strict guidelines here, I mean I am not being funny but how do I know that your little boy by there didn’t pour a bit of red bull into the tank to see if the fish could fly. It has happened before.
WOMAN TURNS TO HER SON
Woman: Brandon, did you put anything into the fish tank, before he died?
Brandon: No mammy he was just lying on his side, I didn’t do anything honest.
Woman: See my son doesn’t lie, if he says he didn’t do anything then I believe him.
Man: Well he can tell it to the police when they arrive.
Woman: The police? Do they have to get involved as well?
Man: Oh yes love strict guidelines, if a goldfish dies within a few hours of leaving here then we treat it as suspicious until otherwise proven. If I were you I would get a solicitor.
Woman: The police and a solicitor? All I want to do is for you to exchange this dead goldfish for another one.
Man: You want another dead goldfish?
Woman: No of course not, I want you to give me a goldfish that is alive in replace of this dead one.
Man: Sorry love I can’t do that, you might be a goldfish serial killer and I won’t have that on my conscience.
Woman: If I were a goldfish serial killer I would hardly bring it back here to show you, I would have just killed it and buried it in my garden.
Man: Not necessarily, you might get a kick out of bringing it back here and showing me the dead body to watch my reaction.
Woman: I am not taking anymore of this, I want to speak to your manager.
Man: Your holding him in your hand.
Woman: What? This dead goldfish is your manager?
Man: He was my manager until you killed him.
Woman: I told you before I did not kill it, and if you expect me to believe that this goldfish was your manager, then there is clearly something wrong with you.
Man: He’s not my manager any more , you’ve seen to that.
Woman: Ok if he was your manager, why did you allow my son to win him yesterday?
Man: He told me to do it, sales were dipping he said rather than get rid of me he should be the one to go, we were both hoping that he would find a good home and live a long life but now look at him, he didn’t last more than a day. It should have been me not him.
Woman: So let me get this right, you are saying that this dead goldfish I have in my hand was your manager?
Man: Yes, he was, and a good one at that. God rest his sole
Woman: I am sorry but I simply cannot believe that a goldfish was your manager. Is there anybody else I could speak to? Who owns the fair?
Man: That guy over there, by the ghost train.
WOMAN LOOKS AROUND
Woman: What guy? The one sitting down taking the money?
Man: No, not that guy, the one standing above him, with a scar on his head and a bolt going through his neck.
THE WOMAN TURNS TO LOOK AGAIN. SHE TAKES HOLD OF HER SON’S HAND
Woman: Come on Brandon we are going home.
White patio chairs
EXTERNAL – GARDEN
2 PATIO CHAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LAWN
Chair 1: I hate being a chair
Chair 2: So you keep saying
Chair 1: Well come on, you can’t exactly say that it’s a good life can you?
Chair2: We are not alive, we are chairs I keep telling you, we are just practical pieces of garden furniture.
Chair 1: How come we can talk then?
Chair 2: I don’t know the answer to that. I told you before and besides we can only talk to each other nobody else can hear us, so maybe we are not really talking, we just think we are.
Chair 1: Exactly. We think, so therefore we are.
Chair 2: There you go again, quoting from a book that somebody left open on your lap.
Chair 1: My lap, listen to you, at least I don’t think I’m human, I haven’t got a lap
Chair 2: You know what I mean. Must you always go on about this?
Chair 1: What else have we got to talk about?
Chair 2: What about that girl the other day, the blond that sat on you the one with the short skirt and no knickers?
Chair 1: Oh yes, I been meaning to tell you about that, when she walked over towards us, I was hoping that she would sit on me.
Chair 2: If it wasn’t for the mustard stain on my arm she would have sat on me I was gutted.
Chair 1: Don’t kid yourself I’m just a better looking chair than you.
Chair 2: We look exactly the same, we come out of the same box, and our Argos numbers are identical.
Chair 1: There you go again with your cloning conspiracy. Now who is quoting from a book left on his lap? Brave new world wasn’t it?
Chair 2: It’s obvious we are clones, we have been mass manufactured, and we all look the same.
A MAN AND WOMAN APPROACH THE CHAIRS, THE MAN IS FILMING THE WOMAN ON HIS MOBILE AS SHE SHOWS THE CAMERA A COCKTAIL, THE WOMAN SITS ON CHAIR 1. AS SHE SETTLES IN THE CHAIR FALLS BACK AND HER LEGS ARE IN THE AIR. THE MAN IS STILL FILMING THEY ARE BOTH LAUGHING.
Man: Ha ha ha. That is so funny I got to send it off to you’ve been framed
Chair 1: I ‘m going to be famous.
INTERNAL – KITCHEN.
A PLUMBER IS IN THE BATHROOM FIXING THE TOILET, THE HOUSEHOLDER A WOMAN IS SAT DOWNSTAIRS WAITING FOR HIM TO FINISH, HE HAS BEEN IN THERE FOR SEVERAL HOURS AND SHE CAN HEAR HIS FRUSTRATION.
HE FINALLY FINISHES AND WALKS DOWNSTAIRS TO THE LIVING ROOM.
Woman: Hope everything was all right up there, I could hear you banging away at the pipes.
Plumber: Yes it’s all fine now, all fixed ready for you to use
Woman: Was it a very big job?
Plumber: There was a lot of blockage in the pipes, so I had to fit a new cistern as well.
Woman: I knew it, I hadn’t had a sh**t for 3 days, I, felt like I was giving birth at one point.
Woman: Did I say something funny?
Plumber: Yes, was it a big job, the amount of times I have heard that?
Woman: No I am serious, you were up there a long time, at least 3 hours, and it must have been a really big job.
Plumber: Yes there was a lot of blockage in the pipes, and I had to fit a new cistern.
Woman: There was a lot of banging going on, I thought you might have been building a log cabin or something.
PLUMBER LAUGHS AGAIN
Woman: I have said something funny again haven’t I, what is it this time?
Plumber: Log cabin, it’s a slang word for poo, I have heard that many times as well.
Woman: Well, I never I best not open my mouth again then, anyway how much do I owe you?
Plumber: £185 please.
THE WOMAN WRITES THE PLUMBER A CHEQUE
Plumber: Lovely day, to nice to be stuck inside.
Woman: Oh yes it’s beautiful; I am just about to go out to drop the kids off at the pool.
INTERNAL DAY – CLOSE UP OF A MAN (GARY) SITTING DOWN, YOU CAN SEE HE IS SURROUNDED BY OTHER PEOPLE BUT YOU CANNOT SEE THEM. HE IS ON HIS SMARTPHONE, LOGGED INTO FACEBOOK.
EXTREME CLOSE UP OF SMARTPHONE FACEBOOK.
GARY POSTS FOLLOWING COMMENT ON HIS TIMELINE:
That Raymond Bruce guy who robbed an old peoples home is a disgusting creature, how could he do it?
Reply from a friend:
If it is true it is disgusting, but we don’t know yet if he did it, you shouldn’t believe anything you read in the papers.
Yes but have you seen him, he looks like a creep the type of person that would rob his granny.
Reply from a friend:
Like I said, you should’t believe everything you read, wait until he is found guilty before you go throwing accusations around, comments like yours on social networking will not help the case and sometimes guilty people have got off scott free because of people posting things on twitter and Facebook.
Gary’s Reply : Whatever
Reply from friend: And besides, if you actually read into it, there is no evidence at all that he was there, and the description given by some of the residents, say that it was a black man and Raymond Bruce is white.
Gary: I know that, but I don’t like the look of him anyway lol
CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO REVEAL GARY SEATED IN AMONGST 11 OTHER PEOPLE
Judge: So members of the jury do you find the defendant Raymond, George Bruce, guilty or not guilty.
EXTERNAL – DAY – STREET
GARETH IS WRITING ON ONE OF THOSE A BOARD CAFÉ SIGNS, THE SIGN READS “TODAYS SPECIAL OFFER A BACON BUTTY AND A CUP OF TEA ONLY £2”
THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD MARY AND TONY, ARE LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AT GARETH, THEY ARE THE PROUD OWNERS OF SIDOLIS CAFÉ.
Mary: He is off again Tony
Tony: What is it this time?
Mary: A bacon butty and a cup of tea for £2.
Tony: This is getting ridiculous, who does he think he is?
Mary: Don’t let it get to you, he’s pathetic a stupid little man.
NEXT MORNING GARETH IS OUT AGAIN, THIS TIME HE WRITES ON THE SIGN “TODAYS SPECIAL OFFER 2 BACON BUTTY’S, A CUP OF TEA AND A WELSH CAKE FOR JUST £2.50”
MARY AND TONY ARE IN THE WINDOW AGAIN WATCHING HIM
Tony: I have had enough of this crap now, I’m going over to see him.
Mary: Don’t do anything hasty love, I don’t think he’s all there you know.
TONY WALKS OUT OF THE CAFÉ ACROSS THE ROAD AND APPROACHES GARETH.
Gareth: Hiya Tony, lovely day.
Tony: Listen Gareth I don’t mean to be rude, but everyday we watch you coming out and putting special offers on your board and it is getting a bit daft now.
Gareth: I am not sure what you mean, it’s a free market, a bit of healthy competition doesn’t hurt anyone.
Tony: I understand that mate, but you don’t even sell bacon butty’s, you run a furniture shop.Read More
INTERNAL SCHOOL CLASSROOM
MISS ROBERTS, THE SUPPLY TEACHER IS STANDING IN FOR MRS TAYLOR.
Miss Roberts: Right class, who knows, what the government does?
Little Johnny puts his hand up
Miss Roberts: Yes, what’s your name
Johnny: Johnny miss
Miss Roberts: Ah I am not falling for that, I have heard what you little Johnies come out with, always very rude. Anybody else know what the government does?
Evan put’s his hand up
Miss Roberts: Yes what is your name?
Evan: Evan miss
JOHNNY PUTS HIS HAND UP AGAIN BUT MISS ROBERTS IGNORES HIM
Miss Roberts: So Evan, what does the government do?
JOHNNY RAISES HIS HANDS UP FURTHER AND STARTS FIDGETING ABOUT TO GET TEACHERS ATTENTION, BUT MISS ROBERTS IGNORES HIM.
Evan: They stuff you up the arse miss that is what the government do.
Miss Roberts: That is disgusting Evan, you have a filthy mouth I would have expected it from little Johnny but not you Evan. Now Johny what is it?
Johny: Miss, Evan is the welsh name for Johnny
seeing somebody else
EXTERNAL PARK – A WOMAN SITS ON A BENCH ALONE, THERE IS A MAN SITTING OPPOSITE HER WATCHING EVERY MOVE.
THE WOMAN IS TALKING TO HERSELF, SHE IS LAUGHING AS WELL
Woman is sitting at a bus stop she is alone again and the same man is watching her.
The woman is talking to herself again, this time it looks like she is offering a cigarette to an imaginary friend.
Day 3: Woman is walking down the street, she is alone again, the same man is watching her from across the road, this time she seems to be in some sort of an argument with herself.
The man takes his mobile phone out of his pocket and dials a number.
Man: Hello Mr. Preece, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you were right, your wife is seeing somebody else.Read More
EXTERNAL – DAY – IN A NICE LITTLE CUL-DE-SAC
THERE IS A HOLE IN THE GROUND SURROUNDED BY SAFETY BARRIERS
DAVE IS STANDING BY THE SIDE OF IT HOLDING A BANNER THAT READS “SAY NO TO FRACKING”
HE IS ALSO SHOUTING THROUGH A MEGAPHONE “ NO FRACKING IN OUR VILLAGE”
A VAN PULLS UP BESIDE DAVE, A MAN GETS OUT HE HAS A HI VIS JACKET ON, A SHIRT UNDERNEATH.
Man approaches Dave.
Workman: Listen mate there is no fracking going on here, we are just undertaking some minor repair work.
Dave: Are you sure, because they are fracking everywhere these days, it’s all you hear about on the news, fracking this and fracking that.
Workman: Yes I am positive, we have completed the work required and are coming back on Monday to fill the hole in.
Dave: But what about the smell of gas?, everyone is talking about it, and my pictures.
Workman: There was a small leak in one of the pipes and we plugged it up. What about your pictures?
Dave: One of them fell off the wall this morning.
Workman: What has that got to do with what we are doing here?
Dave: It’s the vibrations when they are fracking, it causes earthquakes and tremors and pictures to fall off walls, how do you explain that then?
Workman: Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but it has nothing to do with the work we are doing in your street.
Dave: Oh right
DAVE LOOKS DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS IF HE IS THINKING, HE LOOKS BACK UP AT THE WORKMAN
Dave: Your lace is undone